Tuesday, December 02, 2008

My Muni Hell- An Non-Cooking But Funny Story


This is not food related but funny nonetheless. I take the Muni to work every morning. This means that I typically arrive to work late, annoyed, flustered, or all of the above. There is a book being written in San Francisco with Muni stories and I decided to submit mine. Here it is!

A few months ago I was waiting to ride the 5-Fulton to work. I have the pleasure of living near the Western Addition so there are always lots of interesting characters hanging out on the bus. I was waiting at the crowded bus stop and I saw this seemingly crazy older woman muttering to herself. Oh wonderful, another loon to share the bus with. We all pile on the bus and it is crowded. The 5 is usually packed in the mornings, but this morning it was so crowded you literally could not move an inch. I had to find a space for my feet and hold tight. I was near the front of the bus standing facing the people that were seated. This is always awkward because it close quarters, but you sort of hold your breath and deal. Next to me was a small, young Asian woman who looked dressed for work, and the crazy old bird from outside comes and sits down right in front of her.
There we are, moving along, when all of a sudden the old coot yells very loudly “Bitch, if you don’t get your pussy out of my face I am gonna slap the shit out of you.”
The bus goes silent, everyone is shocked, the poor woman sort of whispers “I can’t really move right now, there’s no place to go.”
Then from across the bus you hear “sheesh, somebody always gotta cause trouble.” Crazy then yells at her “when this bitch gets her pussy out of my face I am gonna slap the shit out of who said that.” And again she yells again at the poor lady next to me “you heard me bitch, I will slap the shit out of you if you don’t move your pussy.”
At this point we are all shocked. I was ready to call it a day and go home, but only after being evil and thinking, thank God that’s not me. I am so glad it was someone else. After that we stopped at VanNess which always loosens the bus up a bit so the poor victim of this whole thing could move farther down the bus where her pussy could be in peace. I have seen and heard a lot of things on the Muni but this was probably the most shocking. Perhaps because I also wouldn’t have put it past this woman to stand up and start slapping people. It’s hard when you get to work and you already feel exhausted from the trip there!